Jaza's law of washing
When I was at home back in Australia, I had a massive arsenal of clothing, and I generally wore things for quite a short time. However, since I've been on the road, I've had a much more modest arsenal at my disposal, and this has forced me to wear things for (even) longer than I usually would. The net result of this is that I end up washing my clothes at about the same frequency as I did previously. In my case, this is about once every 2-3 weeks. Hence, we have the core of what I shall now dub Jaza's law of washing: the amount of clothes and the time spent wearing them may vary, but the period between each wash remains constant.
Jaza's law of washing can be expressed algebraically as follows:
p = st
- p is the average period between washing cycles;
- s is the number of sets of clothes worn during each period; and
- t is the average time spent wearing each set of clothes.
- From looking at the formula, one can logically deduce that for any given p, s and t must remain inversely proportional. That is, if s decreases, then t must increase accordingly, and vice versa.
- Further research is required into this (perhaps you readers could assist, by presenting your own evaluations of this formula in the form of comments on this page), but it seems that for any given individual person, p tends to remain constant. That is, each person has their own natural p-value.
- Preliminary studies suggest that a given person's p-value is influenced by such constant factors as laziness, slobbishness, and stinginess; and by such environmental factors as presence of nagging parents, necessity of crossing international boundaries without looking like a suspicious bum, and number of attractive members of the opposite sex in nearby vicinity (and various attributes of aforementioned opposite-sex persons, e.g. how fussy they are, what one's chances seem to be with them, how regularly they become intoxicated, etc).
Now, I know I'm not the best mathematician in the world — I did famously drop maths in my final year of high school — but I think I've hit this baby pretty much right on the head. And if I haven't, and it is actually complete bollocks from a mathematical POV, then hopefully nobody will work that out for some time, until my stroke of genius has earned me at least a few million of them dolares gringos.
I never thought I'd say this, but Mr Stevenson (my positively crap-diddly-app-not-to-mention-evil-sadistic-bastard Year 11 maths teacher), thank you. For everything.
And suck on that, you gangrenous, parasitic, homophobic, anti-semitic, carbon-monoxide-spewing chimney! :P